Everyone (well, mostly everyone) has been hurt by a friend at some point in their lives. It sucks. It really, really sucks. The worst way a friend can hurt you is by leaving you. This happened to me a couple days before moving to college. I was shocked, hurt, and so confused. After over 6 months, I have finally started to completely move on. I want to share my journey from being hurt to whole again.
The first feeling I felt after my not-so-best friend “broke up” (that’s honestly what the situation felt like) with me was anger. Deep, unending anger. I couldn’t believe what she did to me. Along with the anger, I was so confused. Why? I cannot tell you how many times I asked myself this question. Along with that, I kept asking myself, “What did I do wrong?”
I know it is hard to forgive someone after something like this, but I hope telling my story will help you realize that you are not alone. There were two big steps within my process for this situation.
This is the hard part. It takes a while (at least it did for me). I felt like it was all my fault and I wanted to know what I did. To get over what happened, I knew I needed to try and accept what happened. Moving to college helped because I was able to get away and meet all new people. I made some great friends who helped me regain my trust in others. When I am angry at someone, I need space (it’s better than saying something I’ll regret). I knew I needed to branch out and find some friends who I could trust.
I live my life with one quote in mind: “everything happens for a reason.” Yeah, some things that happen SUCK, but I believe that these things were put in your life to make you stronger. You are an amazing, beautiful, and perfect individual because God made you the way you are. Don’t let one person dull your sparkle. They are missing out on an incredible friend, and once you realize this, it will help A TON (it definitely helped me).
Once I gave myself time (time is the biggest factor in the acceptance/forgiveness stage), I was able to realize that I was starting to forgive my friend. I wondered how she was doing. After sitting and wondering for weeks, I took a gamble and wrote a letter. It was a short, one page letter asking how she was/how school was going and other similar questions. I also told her that I had forgiven her. I even apologized, because it takes two to tango; more than one person made mistakes in this situation (but I stopped blaming everything on myself). I know I made mistakes, but I wouldn’t change what happened. Our friendship just was not meant to be.
Now, back to the letter. She DID reply. It wasn’t what I expected, either. She apologized and said she regretted how she handled the situation. She was afraid I would be mad at her forever (meaning she did care…what a relief). Sadly, the letter didn’t give me reason to reply, so I am sure we won’t get back to being friends, but that’s okay. Her letter still made me feel so much better, because I can finally move on.
Anger can consume you. It started to consume me, and I was having trouble being happy. After sending the letter, I felt so relieved. A weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I could FINALLY move on. My college life/career has taken off, and I have no idea where I will end up one day. Without any anger looming over me, I can focus on college. I have goals, and I feel like I can focus on them, rather than a friend who had hurt me.
I’ve forgiven my friend. She hurt me, yes, but that does not make her a terrible person. Good people can do not-so great things; it is just how life is. I spent so long thinking of her as a bad person, but that was not helping the situation. Once I found other things to focus on (mostly college and all the changes it involves), I realized I just wanted closure. The letter did the trick. It was a passive way to reach out and get answers.
After reading this, I hope you realize that things will get better. Everything really does happen for a reason.
Questions? Ask me! I’d love to help if you are going through a rough friend situation like the one I just told you about. Everyone’s situation is different during events like these, so if I can help in any way, let me know. I am hoping that by sharing my story, I will help someone else recover from rejection.