How My Boyfriend and I Got Out of a Fighting Rut

If you are here because you don’t understand why you keep fighting with your significant other, I want you to know that you aren’t alone. AND I want you to know that your relationship isn’t doomed. Quite the opposite, actually.

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About a month and a half ago, my boyfriend and I started to have these awful fights. It wasn’t us. I didn’t understand what had happened. I came home from college and that was when the fights started. It felt like the same fight every time. You might wonder, “Why wouldn’t you just break up?” Well, we couldn’t. Losing him would be losing part of myself, and he felt the same.

Fast forward to a week ago. EVERYTHING CHANGED. WE were back. I had my Joshua back. Since then, we have been so lovey dovey. Like I text him so many times just to say I love him and miss him so freaking much. When we were fighting, I had no energy. Now, I feel so energetic and happy!

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During those weeks of on and off fights, I read so many articles on what to do or how to fix things. Nothing fit my situation. Yeah, we were fighting a lot. But the difference was that after we fought for a couple hours, we would end up looking at each other and apologizing. We would hug, kiss, and just not let go. We both hated the fights because they felt so wrong.  Every article I read only talked about couples that didn’t even end the night with that small bit of love and affection.

Soooo…how did we stop the fights for good? The biggest part was doing what Josh wanted. I had sent him many articles on how to get out of a fighting rut. He decided that he wanted “space.” Okay, yeah this was the hardest thing I’ve ever heard. Josh and I have always been a very attached couple and I never thought I’d hear that. That night was so depressing and I felt so alone. I just wanted to talk to him or hear his voice.

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The next morning, he didn’t wake up until about 11 because he didn’t have work and I was so angry for the hours before he woke up. I didn’t text him, though, because I refused to go against what he wanted. By the time he DID wake up, my anger had simmered down to simply missing him and wanting my best friend back.

He texted me once he woke up (space isn’t the right word for it) and told me how we were going to get together that night to talk everything out. And that is exactly what we did. He didn’t really want space, he just didn’t want to take anymore stress out on me. He had had a bad day at work and there were other things going on in his life and he decided to go unplugged for a few hours to just blow off steam. This consisted of him going to the track and running.

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Once he explained everything, all of the tension lifted. We just talked. He told me things that had been happening that he was previously too scared to tell me. No, it was nothing bad. Guys just like to figure things out on their own (which is exactly what I read in one of the articles). I figured this out first hand.

Josh wanted to spare my feelings that night. I wouldn’t even call it space, because we went MAYBE 3 hours without talking that night. It was hard for both of us, but it was needed. Ever since that night, we have been completely open about everything and have done much better at handling our emotions.

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I never wanted to break up with Josh. Him and I have a very special connection that I would never let go. We’ve been through a lot together: family death, depression, Josh got into a car crash, I went away for college, friend loss, and I know there is more. We’ve been there for each other through EVERYTHING and I couldn’t imagine having anyone else by my side through it all.

One of the largest part that aided in our reconnection was prayer. We both realized we had strayed away from God and needed to get Him back into our relationship. I’ve noticed a huge difference in our relationship since we renewed our relationship with God.

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If you are in a fighting rut, I hope this helped at least a little. You have to look at the good in the relationship. If the bad outweighs the good, you may have to rethink the relationship, but breaking up is extreme. Maybe take a day together to just reconnect. There are times when Josh and I feel disconnected, but we always find a way to get that connection back.

Ideas for getting out of a fighting rut:

  1. Go unplugged for a bit to just simmer down.
  2. Talk openly, with each person saying how they feel.
  3. Pray for each other AND your relationship.

Those are three things that helped Josh and I. I guess you could say that we are back in the honeymoon stage of our dating relationship (and we are almost up to 3 years!!), which we have yet to leave! I wouldn’t change it for anything!

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Have any of you ever encountered a fighting rut with the one you love? How did you get out of it?

-Jamie

 

Summer Bucket List For Couples: Part 2

Summertime is just around the corner and I couldn’t be more excited! My boyfriend and I have been accumulating a list of things we both would like to do during the summer. Part one of this list includes ideas that we have come up with that have little to no cost. The following list includes the activities that would most likely cost money. Enjoy!  🙂

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  1. Go on the fancy date night that had been previously planned
  2. Go to a waterpark
  3. Go shopping
  4. Road trip (could be in the little to no cost category, depending on how intense you make the road trip)
  5. Go horseback riding
  6. Go to a museum
  7. Go to a concert
  8. Make pottery
  9. Paint pottery
  10. Tie dye shirts
  11. Go to a drive in
  12. Go to an IMAX Theater
  13. Go ice skating
  14. Go bowling
  15. Go to an amusement park
  16. Go to an arcade
  17. Go to an aquarium
  18. Go to the zoo
  19. Go to a Botanical Garden
  20. Go to a Farmer’s Market
  21. Go to garage sales
  22. Ride go karts
  23. Go putt-putt golfing
  24. Go zip lining
  25. Order Chinese Food
  26. Watch a Circus Show
  27. Go Canoeing

 

I hope you enjoyed this list. I’d love to hear what is on YOUR bucket list for this summer, so leave a comment below to share your ideas! 🙂

P.S. I plan to update this list and part one of this list whenever I think of more ideas!

-Jamie

How I Came Out Stronger than Ever After Losing my Best Friend

Everyone (well, mostly everyone) has been hurt by a friend at some point in their lives. It sucks. It really, really sucks. The worst way a friend can hurt you is by leaving you. This happened to me a couple days before moving to college. I was shocked, hurt, and so confused. After over 6 months, I have finally started to completely move on. I want to share my journey from being hurt to whole again.

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The first feeling I felt after my not-so-best friend “broke up” (that’s honestly what the situation felt like) with me was anger. Deep, unending anger. I couldn’t believe what she did to me. Along with the anger, I was so confused. Why? I cannot tell you how many times I asked myself this question. Along with that, I kept asking myself, “What did I do wrong?”

I know it is hard to forgive someone after something like this, but I hope telling my story will help you realize that you are not alone. There were two big steps within my process for this situation.

 

Acceptance/Forgiveness

This is the hard part. It takes a while (at least it did for me). I felt like it was all my fault and I wanted to know what I did. To get over what happened, I knew I needed to try and accept what happened. Moving to college helped because I was able to get away and meet all new people. I made some great friends who helped me regain my trust in others. When I am angry at someone, I need space (it’s better than saying something I’ll regret). I knew I needed to branch out and find some friends who I could trust.

I live my life with one quote in mind: “everything happens for a reason.” Yeah, some things that happen SUCK, but I believe that these things were put in your life to make you stronger. You are an amazing, beautiful, and perfect individual because God made you the way you are. Don’t let one person dull your sparkle. They are missing out on an incredible friend, and once you realize this, it will help A TON (it definitely helped me).

Once I gave myself time (time is the biggest factor in the acceptance/forgiveness stage), I was able to realize that I was starting to forgive my friend. I wondered how she was doing. After sitting and wondering for weeks, I took a gamble and wrote a letter. It was a short, one page letter asking how she was/how school was going and other similar questions. I also told her that I had forgiven her. I even apologized, because it takes two to tango; more than one person made mistakes in this situation (but I stopped blaming everything on myself). I know I made mistakes, but I wouldn’t change what happened. Our friendship just was not meant to be.

Now, back to the letter. She DID reply. It wasn’t what I expected, either. She apologized and said she regretted how she handled the situation. She was afraid I would be mad at her forever (meaning she did care…what a relief). Sadly, the letter didn’t give me reason to reply, so I am sure we won’t get back to being friends, but that’s okay. Her letter still made me feel so much better, because I can finally move on.

 

Moving On

Anger can consume you. It started to consume me, and I was having trouble being happy. After sending the letter, I felt so relieved. A weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I could FINALLY move on. My college life/career has taken off, and I have no idea where I will end up one day. Without any anger looming over me, I can focus on college. I have goals, and I feel like I can focus on them, rather than a friend who had hurt me.

I’ve forgiven my friend. She hurt me, yes, but that does not make her a terrible person. Good people can do not-so great things; it is just how life is. I spent so long thinking of her as a bad person, but that was not helping the situation. Once I found other things to focus on (mostly college and all the changes it involves), I realized I just wanted closure. The letter did the trick. It was a passive way to reach out and get answers.

After reading this, I hope you realize that things will get better. Everything really does happen for a reason.

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Questions? Ask me! I’d love to help if you are going through a rough friend situation like the one I just told you about. Everyone’s situation is different during events like these, so if I can help in any way, let me know. I am hoping that by sharing my story, I will help someone else recover from rejection.

 

-Jamie

Summer Bucket List for Couples

It’s almost that time of the year. Summer!!! I’m bringing you a bucket list that my boyfriend and I have put together because we want to make good use of our time together this summer. This list includes many fun things you could do with anyone that will be little to no cost! Saving money is so great, isn’t it?  🙂

Summer Bucket List

  1. Volunteer
  2. Baking day
  3. Movie marathon
  4. Marathon a new tv series
  5. Mini book club
  6. Learn sign language (or any other language)
  7. Bible study
  8. Picnic
  9. Go hiking
  10. Museums- I believe some are free?
  11. Shows- There are probably some free shows in your area, so go out and check them out!
  12. Attend church together
  13. Go on a bike ride
  14. Throw a frisbee
  15. An outdoors day
  16. Make homemade ice cream
  17. Make homemade holiday cards
  18. Do a puzzle
  19. Make your own recipe book
  20. Go to discount/free movie showings
  21. Go somewhere to pick your own strawberries (or any other fruit)
  22. Teach each other something
  23. Make bouncy balls- There are lots of different “recipes” for these on Pinterest. I’ll make a post about which “recipe” we use and how well it works!
  24. Listen to a podcast
  25. Go rollerblading
  26. Play 20 questions
  27. Play protect the tree
  28. Play with Legos
  29. Go to fairs/festivals
  30. Put together a photo album of photos you’ve taken together
  31. Fly a kite
  32. Have a photo shoot
  33. Take pictures in a photo booth
  34. Work out
  35. Play soccer
  36. Plan a fancy date night
  37. Write a book/story
  38. Go swimming
  39. Board game night
  40. Video games night
  41. Stargaze
  42. Learn something together using Youtube
  43. Try new recipes (I go to Pinterest for this)
  44. Laundry basket skee ball- What can I say? We are kids at heart. Here’s where I found the idea.
  45. Write each other letters
  46. Take a walk
  47. Go on a run
  48. Make light sabers and use said light sabers to have a light saber battle- Again, we are kids. Here’s an easy and pretty cheap way to make them.
  49. Make caramel apples

 

I hope you enjoyed these ideas for summer fun! I’d love to hear what is on YOUR bucket list, so feel free to share down below! 🙂

 

-Jamie